Charlotte Richards
by Kazakh Doom
Summary: Divorce hasn't been good to Dan. Meanwhile, Mrs. Richards is acting rather strange...
1. Chapter 1

All day, Dan Espinoza investigates crime scenes. His life has gotten more monotonous since his wife Chloe divorced him.

She drops a bunch of paperwork on his desk. Most of it is in folders. She's a detective too. He still can't believe the city allows him to work with his ex. There ought to be a law against it. But then, this is probably the city's own subtle way of punishing him for not being able to be a detective and a detective's husband at the same time...

And, there's Chloe's new partner: first name Lucifer, last name Morningstar. Dan's still getting used to the new alias Lucifer's picked out for him: "Detective Douche." But Dan never renounces it, and Lucifer never retires it. It's an endless loop. Dan still can't believe he's stayed loyal to Det. Decker's existence for this long. He's thinking about transferring to another city's police department...

He'll miss Los Angeles, true enough. But as big as Los Angeles is, how likely is it, really, that his next assignment would still be too close to Det. Decker's outfit?

All day, Lucifer scams Los Angeles's poor souls into his rapidly expanding social empire, with his rare British accent. Dan STILL doesn't see what the ladies see in him. But in spite of Lucifer's otherwise fail-proof charm, it does yield one advantage for Dan: Det. Decker has never fallen for it, and likely never will. Dan STILL doesn't understand how it is that Det. Decker is the only woman in this part of LA who hasn't fallen for the Bloody Devil's charm...

Det. Decker and Lucifer are more successful together than Dan never was with her. How could this happen?! Dan's almost convinced to give up on love. It sure seems to have forsaken him...

All day, he slaves on the paperwork. It's all got to be on Mrs. Richards's desk too soon.

At long last, he finishes it. He gathers it in his arms, and heads towards Mrs. Richards's office...a VERY long way away.

Behind him, Lucifer is tempted to capsize his load. But lucky for Dan, Lucifer's got more helpless women to rape tonight.

Don't...tell Det. Decker that Dan said... Wait; whose side am I on, anyway?!

Again, it's a long way. LA is a big city. In moments like these, Dan is thankful that his precinct isn't responsible for all of LA...or worse, LA County. His hurting feet would never forgive him...and neither would Det. Decker, if they were still married.

This is Beverly Hills. The businesses here are just as heavenly as the homes. Mrs. Richards works at Richards and Wheeler, a law firm that defends criminals. Every now and then, a rumor goes around, that Mrs. Richards might be cheating on her husband with her law partner...

Liam Pickering, a shadowy page, moves about the law firm. Dan isn't sure if he should, but he gives him a wide berth.

At long last, he gets to the lawyer's office. She stands when he enters. He drops them on her desk. He's exhausted.

There's a picture of Mr. Richards sitting across her office. If she looks up, she can see it from where she works; she never looks up.

Mrs. Richards seems happy to see Dan. She adjusts her hair and upper half of business attire while greeting him.

Buried on her desk, letters from one Marco Sanchez lie beneath the surface. Mrs. Richards wouldn't want most of her evil clients to know that she's trying to reveal one of their own as a cartel-running criminal: Victor Perez.

Dan doesn't stay long. Long before the divorce, Det. Decker has had a bad feeling about Mrs. Richards since her firm's business with the police commenced. And of course, it has a VERY long history. When criminals get away with crime via legal counsel, the police have a LOT to gain from it. After that, it's just a matter of waiting for it to let down its guard. And depending on how determined it is to not get caught, that can take a VERY long time...

Det. Decker's still waiting. She's never liked Mrs. Richards, need she not remind anyone... Lucifer included, who's probably had just as much sex with her as he has his new therapist, and every beautiful lady in Los Angeles. And naturally, there's always more than a few jewels in that jewelry box.

Mrs. Richards invites Dan to stick around. Dan sees that picture of Mr. Richards, and slips out hastily. He's got a lighter trip back to work to look forward to. This time, at least, his arms are not laden...


	2. Chapter 2

In another reality, near Hel, the sky is always red. The trees are always leafless. And the shadows inside the forest are always so thick, all between the trees is invisible. And the wolves always howl.

And the moon looks like a skull. Its teeth are breaking up, and streaming after it in orbit.

This may look like a birdhouse. But the pole it's on is taller than the trees around it. Chains hang from it, and are wrapped around it. Jehovah's cross is painted on its side.

This birdhouse's sole resident was once Jehovah's consort. Since then, she's been demoted severely, and requires an isolated birdhouse, in a pocket dimension within Hel, to stay out of everyone's way.

Closer to the ground, a campfire burns. Tonight, and every night until the end of time, the ex-consort's jailers keep watch.

This is Slipknot. He has a lot of ropes, and can climb anything...including the pole of that birdhouse.

High in the trees, a nest harbors some eggs. Slipknot doesn't know what kind of bird laid them...but they look good. He ascends the trees, and collects the eggs. He returns to the ground, and cooks them.

This is Shrapnel. He's made of shrapnel, and can self-detonate. Mostly, though, he just throws his shrapnel pieces like shurikens.

This is KGBeast. He's a cyborg with a weaponized prosthetic arm. And it's still unclear as to how he got that arm into Hel with him...

He can also turn his arm into a coffee mug, which is how he takes his coffee here.

This is Count Vertigo. He can make people dizzy by looking them in the eye.

Some times, Shrapnel feels anxious enough to explode. Count Vertigo uses his powers to calm him, and make sure that doesn't happen.

This is Enchantress. She's virtually omnipotent...albeit now only thirty-two inches tall.

Contrary to what she once expected, her human host on Earth, June Moone, didn't make it down here with her. She's been purged from her host, and exiled from the land of the living like a damn Muggle. She has Rick Flag to thank for that. If she EVER gets back to Earth...

She too, helps Shrapnel stay in control whenever the Count can't. She'd possess his body...if only Shrapnel looked anything like June Moone.

This is Killer Frost. She can slow things down...to the point of stagnancy, if she must. Or if she mustn't...which is how she got here to begin with.

This is Zod. He was a kryptonian warrior on Krypton. On Earth, he was still one; TOO much so, which is how he got here. He's also been demoted to buck private...by the bloody devil, if not by the Krypton military...whatever's left of it...

Mostly, Zod and KGBeast fight the demonic wolves that live in this pocket world. The ex-consort seldom ever tries to escape. Or rather, if she does try, Jehovah sure knows how to make her fail.

As bad as they were on Earth, Jehovah's giving them a chance to rehabilitate themselves, by making sure his ex-consort doesn't leave that birdhouse up there. For the most part, they all appear to be playing their parts very well.

Killer Frost takes some chow from the cauldron, and drops it in a smaller cauldron. She generates a spiral staircase, made of ice, and rides it up to the food slot of the birdhouse. She improvises a pair of tweezers from ice, holds the food in them, and, one chunk at a time, drops it into the chute through which the birdhouse/prison's food is received.

Sometimes, the chute stinks when Killer Frost opens it; she finds it revolting...which melts her ice, somewhat, when she does. That just goes to show that the ex-consort has been in chains for so long, that she's finally gotten sick of the food.

The seven sentries mostly laugh, and tell dirty jokes. Every now and then, they host a belching contest. Rehab seems to be doing most of them very well. It's a good thing the ex-consort is here for them to keep under lock and key...without a key.

High in the trees, a spooky wind blows. There's a certain nourishment in its texture...

A certain key-shaped stem breaks off from one of the limbs. It blows across the forest. Several moths almost run into it as they fly past it. It's flying right towards the birdhouse...

It lands in the keyhole of one of the locks, teeth-first. Around it, the lock seems to have an earthquake. The lock tilts to one side. Inside, the tumblers retreat. The bolt slides out of place. The lock falls from its chain.

Below, the sentries mumble, unaware of what happens aloft. And they're just as indifferent to how much cloudier and darker it is now...or how much brighter Skull Moon, and the meteor dust of its whetting teeth, are now...

Near them, the lock hits the ground with a thud. They freeze when they hear it. They all look up. The chains are falling off the birdhouse...

"POSTS," Enchantress shouts, "EVERYONE!"

Between two trees, an elastic cord is tied. Shrapnel runs to this, and takes up its slack. He leans into it, and backs up. Behind him, on either side, the cord stretches farther and farther...

Above, the birdhouse is unraveling fast. Soon its inmate will escape...

Shrapnel jumps up. The cord shoots him up. He flies towards the birdhouse. He can just see someone trying to come out...

He meets the birdhouse. He explodes. Fire and smoke are expelled in every direction within fifteen meters of the birdhouse. The house's splinters do, too.

Below, the other sentries stand at their post, weapons drawn. They expect the explosion to injure the ex-consort...but they can't be sure...

From the smoke, the tiny ex-consort starts falling. It's apparent that her incarceration hasn't done much to grow her hair...

She sprouts insect wings. She beats them, and starts to fly away.

KGBeast's prosthetic eye lights up bright red. He sights his target, aims his prosthetic arm, and fires its machine gun.

Her location is overwhelmed with KGBeast's ammo. Alas, she speeds through this mess, and hits her attacker in the red-glowing eye, taking it out. KGBeast yells in pain. Now he can't aim.

Enchantress flies unaided, and with her two hands, surrounds the ex-consort in an illusory cloud. Now she's got her...

Inside, the ex-consort sings, and enchants the Enchantress. She knocks the Enchantress out. The Enchantress falls, and lands on the ground, asleep. The illusory bubble vanishes, and the ex-consort continues her escape.

With his laser-vision, Zod takes a good long shot at the tiny ex-consort. She turns her body into a mirror-like substance. On the upside, Zod hits what he's aiming at. On the downside, he also hits himself...right in the big "Z" embroidered on the chest of his black supersuit.

The ex-consort was tempted to hit him in the balls... But decides not to, because he's SUCH a fine male specimen...

Four have fallen; three are left. The Count uses the elastic cord, too, and shoots his way towards the fleeing ex-consort. In mid-air, he takes a grenade, pulls its pin, and throws it. Near the ex-consort, it spews a drugged gas; one that's meant to make dizzy its target.

The ex-consort reacts by transforming into a small bird of paradise, and flying up the Count's nose. At first, the Count reacts in disgust and fright...but then he gets dizzy...and is unconscious long before the trajectory of his fall leaves him in the middle of a foraging wolf pack.

While the wolves are busy with the Count, the ex-consort makes her escape. The wolves don't see her, or chase her. After all, the Count is _much_ bigger game...

Slipknot climbs a tree. With a firearm of his own invention, he fires a net.

The net lands around the ex-consort, and traps her. She spreads her wings, and flies, with the net in tote, towards Slipknot's legs. She winds the net up between his legs, escapes, and pushes him forward...as he's standing on a tree branch. Helpless, he falls off it.

On the upside, a rope he's tied for himself breaks his fall, when he hits the end of its slack. On the downside, he's stuck.

It's up to Killer Frost now. She generates ramps of ice, and chases the fleeing ex-consort across the haunted forest...

She improvises a javelin, made of ice, and throws it at the ex-consort. The ex-consort betwitches the javelin, as it's in mid-flight. It makes an arc in flight, and flies right back towards its thrower. Killer Frost is compelled to generate a bulwark of ice to absorb the dangerous javelin's impact.

The Count has subdued the wolves, and rides their alpha through the forest. He chases the ex-consort, and prepares another Vertigo grenade for launch...

In the sky, Shrapnel still hasn't reconstituted himself. He does so on a peak, in the ex-consort's escape path. He sees her, and prepares to meet her again...

This time, Vertigo uses every grenade he's got. And he throws them all, after pulling their pins. They all explode. They all knock out a wolf, each, in the wolves' pack.

Finally, the alpha's the only one left. The Count falls off his mount, when the alpha wolf trips and passes out, from the dizziness that the grenade induced him with.

The Count hits his head against a tree, and is knocked out. Shrapnel's the last line of defense now.

After wising up from his humilation, Zod strips off his costume, and flies after the ex-consort the old-fashioned way. He's surprised his kryptonian powers work in this pocket world of Hel...

He's gaining on the poor ex-consort. It looks hopeless...

At long last, she's within range of Shrapnel. He self-detonates, and creates another cloud of sparks and smoke.

On the downside, Zod is knocked unconscious, while empty-handed. On the bigger downside, the ex-consort, yet again, survived Shrapnel's blast. She flies away from the mess, unscathed.

Meanwhile, Zod, unconscious, slides down a cliff. He falls from bluff to bluff, and isn't stopping...

Shrapnel reconstitutes, shouts in rage, and starts throwing his shrapnel pieces like shuriken. They all orbit around the ex-consort, and hit their thrower instead. This is of no consequence; Shrapnel is made of shrapnel, after all.

KGBeast leaps in front of Shrapnel, turns his arm into a repeating cannon, and showers the sky with more dangerous ammo. Alas, by now, the ex-consort is out-of-range.

In one last desperate move, Killer Frost improvises an ice-boomerang, and throws it at the fleeing ex-consort. As it was with the javelin, it comes back to its owner. Killer Frost sighs, generates an icy boxing glove, and absorbs the boomerang's impact.

At long last, the ex-consort is free. All she has to do now is find a way back to Heaven. She thinks she knows who can help. Alas, last she's heard, he's on Earth, and VERY reluctant to return to Heaven...

Before the ex-consort, a small portal opens. She doesn't have time to swerve; she's caught in it, and vanishes.


	3. Chapter 3

This is the Hotel Gleam. It's a rainy and thundering night outside.

Tonight, Mrs. Richards's here. She's in the lobby. She waiting for someone. That someone, with luck, is going to help her bring down Victor Perez's cartel.

For hours, she paces up and down. She's still in heels. At one point, they get sore. She leaves them at the door, and keeps pacing.

She's got a huge ass. As she paces, she walks by several mirrors. She looks at herself, grins, and spanks herself. She can't tell, but she senses that her ass cheeks make ripples, as they're slapped...

At last, she's joined. She straightens herself out. She thinks her visitor might've seen her erotic side...but she can't tell. But then, as far as a lot of women she knows are concerned, she couldn't hide her erotic side if she tried.

This is Marco Sanchez. He works for the cartel and doesn't work for the cartel. He's ratting on its personnel, his alleged coworkers, to Mrs. Richards. He's got a lot of info, that she can use to...

They're joined, by someone else. Mrs. Richards is surprised to see him.

"Liam," she calls on him. "What...are you doing here...this late?"

Meet Liam Pickering. Mrs. Richards doesn't know it yet, but she's just met the Angel of Death.

Liam sighs, and crosses his arms. "You two might want to sit down," he tells them. "This is hard to say."

Mrs. Richards gasps, and covers her mouth. "Oh no. Is Brad okay?"

Liam nods. "It's not about that, but... Please, sit. Both of you."

Soon, Mrs. Richards and Marco are seated in separate armchairs. Liam paces up and down, relaying what he knows...or rather, what he's improvising, to buy himself some time.

As he talks, he sets a pair of gun cases in a chair. Between paces, he opens them. They're Henry Mare's Legs; lever-action pistols. He puts them on the bookshelf. He stands, with his back turned to the company, and loads them. Again, he's doing a GREAT job of improvising bad news to tell them.

"And so, that's how it is," Liam says, finishing up. "Mr. Perez has blown his cover, and now it's time to move on to bigger and better jobs."

"What a relief," Mrs. Richards admits. "It's about time we..."

"That doesn't make any sense," Marco protests. "When I left work today, we'd just brought in a huge shipment of dopey contraband!"

"Don't flatter yourself, son. All businesses go through some hard times."

Here, Liam turns around. He's got both pistols in hand. He tosses them in the air, catches them by their lever handles, and lets them hang. As they fall, the levers open...and they hang there, from Liam's hands.

Liam smiles, throws them again, catches them and rocks them back, pushing their levers back into place at the same time. He's just loaded both pistols.

"And as for my business," Liam starts to continue. But he pauses; he's standing right in front of both armchairs. "Well... Let's just say that there's no room in Mr. Perez's inner circle for back-stabbing stoolies."

He whirls, and aims both pistols. He empties both into the chairs, until the triggers do nothing but click in vain; he reloads them with both hands between shots.

Mrs. Richards's corpse is still in the chair. Her eyes are fixed. There are holes in her chest. Her clothes are blood-stained...as is the chair.

Liam caresses her still-warm brunette locks, in his velvet hand. He smiles, and sighs.

"You were a great boss, Mrs. Richards," he says, "sometimes. But you must understand that Mr. Perez will ALWAYS pay me more than you ever could...lawyer or fucking president."

Mrs. Richards's and Marco's corpses are tied to their respective chairs, and slid into the back of a van. The van's back is padlocked. The driver drives them to the bay. With luck, gulls will be feasting on their flesh before the next dawn gets too hot for happy hour at a bar.


	4. Chapter 4

It's another day in the squad room. Det. Espinoza is on duty. He's avenging the community's lost loved ones, as always, about as often as he's avenging stolen or swindled property. And he's got to do all of this with his ex-wife's desk not too far away, as well as her partner's unbeatable British charm breathing the bloody Devil's steam down the collar of his shirt.

Speaking of whom, Lucifer drops a bunch of paperwork on Dan's desk. On the very top page, which is about six inches from the bottom, there's red writing that reads, "ATTN: DETECTIVE DOUCHE."

Dan sighs, rips off the first page, and starts work. Lucifer turns around, frowns a bit, and goes back to being a social pest in the squad room...albeit the fascination of every single female visitor this precinct has. And in LA, that's often many. When Dan settled down in LA, no one told him about having to put up with, or outcompete, Lucifer...

Someone walks by, and drops a case file on Chloe's desk. Chloe skims it, stands, and approaches Lucifer. She doesn't acknowledge her ex once while doing so. Dan sighs, and keeps working.

In the other room, Lucifer's flirting with a hooker. The hooker seems so fascinated, Chloe's half-amazed she hasn't pissed in her leather skirt.

"Lucifer? I hate to be a bad influence to you by interrupting you, but," Chloe shows him the case file. "Charlotte Richards has been reported missing."

Lucifer arches his brows. "Charlotte Richards?! Interesting; that sounds like the name of some hideous behemoth that I once created for the purpose of torturing my mother in Hell. Where, may I ask, was she last seen?"

"A hotel; or at least, that's what her husband's said. Her law partner, Mr. Wheeler, thinks she might be dead."

"Oh well, in that case," he charmingly blows the hooker a kiss. She giggles. "Let's saddle up this shitbag, and help the state avenge this..." He takes the case file, and pores over Mrs. Richards's photograph. "Oh, shit! This one is SO gorgeous! I think I might've seen her in my club before, but..."

Chloe slaps him on the back. "You can ogle later. Mrs. Richards won't avenge herself."

"Of course not." He closes the case file, and follows his partner out. "I'd hate to pass up the opportunity to have sex with her, on the off-chance that she's simply pretending to be dead so she can cheat on her husband!" He hesitates. "Did you say she had a partner in law?!"

Dan shakes his head, and keeps working. He'd sure hate it, if Mrs. Richards was dead. She helps criminals evade conviction, but... Dan can't help but feel things, whenever he brings things to her, fro the precinct...

Hours pass. The squad room empties. Only Dan's left. In a nearby room, the janitor works...

Dan looks over, at his ex's desk. He sighs. He misses married life. He never tells anyone that, but... Lucifer's seeing a new therapist, and she's quite the babe, from what Dan's heard. If Dan didn't detest everything Lucifer thinks is good, he'd look her up sometime...

At last, he finishes the last form. He stretches, and punches out. The janitor smiles, and works in his absence.

He walks back to his flat. It's a long way through the city.

This part of the city is unusually quiet. Dan wonders...

At last, he sees his block of flats. His mind is filled with relief...

A coral snake crawls out of the storm sewer. Dan freezes, and watches. The snake acknowledges him. Dan dares not move...

The snake blinks. His eyes glow, bright yellow. So do Dan's. Around them, time slows. Neither one looks away from one another. Not a thought crosses Dan's mind.

At last, the snake blinks, and slithers off. Dan breathes with relief. He ascends the fire escape, and enters his flat via that way.

He takes a shower. He has a hard time staying stood, as he washes off.

In nothing but a pair of white briefs, he crashes on his bed. He sleeps with a flowery bed spread. He can't help it; he's been divorced for way too long. He misses women...

The hours pass. Dan's still facedown in his bedding.

Near him, a portal opens. A woman falls through it, and lands in the bed, with Dan. She gapes. It looks like Charlotte Richards...

From the portal, yellow light shines. Mrs. Richards gapes up into it. Her eyes glow yellow, just like the light. She can't look away from it...

Finally, the portal closes. Mrs. Richards passes out, next to Dan. They're faced opposite ways. But they're right next to one another.


	5. Chapter 5

It takes a while for Dan to wake. It shouldn't. It feels a LOT better down near his groin than it usually does. Also, he's panting...which is something normal people don't do when they're...

His eyes crack. There's a woman atop him. She's full-bodied, and possesses long brown flowing hair. She's hard at work on his midriff, leaving her pussy's many scents on it.

Dan's trying to remember if he ordered a prostitute, or if he's got a neighbor who does those things who might've had a misdelivery… That doesn't seem likely. Dan rubs his eyes, and takes a closer look at the sex worker.

Her eyes are closed, but every now and then, she bends towards him. Now he's confused.

"Mrs. Richards?!"

She freezes. Slowly, she steps off him, and steps back. She offers to help him up. Confused, he accepts.

"What," Dan stammers, "are you doing in my apartment? How do you know where I live?"

"It's not what it appears," she begs. "I didn't ask to be here. I didn't really stay where I was, either, but..." She struggles to better prepare herself for Dan. "Ah, my husband never told me that the male specimens of his...lifelong project felt so good against human female skin!"

Dan shakes his head. "What are you talking about? What does your husband have to do with this?" He scoffs. "If this is one of Lucifer's tricks, I SWEAR I'm going to kill him..."

Mrs. Richards beams. "You know my son! Great! Can you take me to him?!"

Dan looks her up and down. "How is a gorgeous woman like you young enough to be your son's sister?!"

With that, Mrs. Richards bursts out laughing. Dan stays near her, and tries to be accommodating. He doesn't have to try very hard. Right now, there is NOTHING else he'd rather do than be Mrs. Richards's slave...

"I'm sorry," she says, when she finally catches her breath. "I'm sorry, it's just that... I'm not used to feeling human emotions. My husband never told me it could feel so wonderful..." She does it again, while remembering its bliss.

Dan sighs. "While you're sorting yourself out, I've got a workday to prepare for."

Dan turns to leave...and finds out what the coral snake did to him. He looks around. Everything in his flat is a thousand times bigger than it was. Either that, or Dan and Mrs. Richards are both...

Dan turns around, and approaches the laughing Mrs. Richards. He tries to interrupt her. She's still too high on her own positive emotion.

At last, Dan goes to extremes, clapping his hands, like a popping balloon, multiple times. "EXCUSE ME!"

Instantly, Mrs. Richards calms down. She calms down, and doesn't say a word...or smile.

"Thank you. It's just that..." He looks around. "You don't happen to know why my apartment is suddenly bigger than me, do you?"

She shrugs. "It was like this when I woke up." She flaps her hair. "By the way, waking up next to you has been one of the FUNNEST things I've done. It almost makes besting the Suicide Squad in Hell feel like the first time using telepathy!"

Dan sighs. "Mrs. Richards...as much as I hate to do this, I'm going to take you to your...son. As much as I hate to believe this, I've got a feeling that," he looks around, "that he knows more about what's happened than you clearly do."

"Oh, there's no need," she tells him. "I've been watching my son for a while. He rents a storage facility near here. We'll go there instead, and break in."

Dan scoffs. "Break in?! I appreciate your passion, Mrs. Richards, but just because we're the size of bugs doesn't mean we have to pretend to be them."

Mrs. Richards holds up her finger. "There...MIGHT be an easier way to get there from here." She embraces Dan, and tries to do something.

She looks away, seeming confused. Whatever she did, she tries again. Nothing changes.

"Funny," she says, pulling away from him, and studying her own bare arms...and mostly bare body, if Dan dares say so. "This always worked in Heaven..."

Dan sighs. "Well, seeing as we're already as good as bugs, I suppose I can make an exception. Let's just...not take anything more from your son than what we need?"

Mrs. Richards scoffs. "He's my son! I'm going to take everything from him, if it means reminding him that I'm his mother, and that his place is in Heaven where we can all be a family, and not over here, in his father's little playground, pretending to be unemployed when he's got a job in the Underworld that most angels would kill for!"

Dan gapes. "OMG! You really ARE Lucifer's... You're just as crazy as he is!"

Mrs. Richards slows, and sighs. "Fine. As you demand, Detective Espinoza, we will 'only take what we need.' Now that I imagine it, I think that's what he'd want...for some screwed-up reason I'm still trying to imagine him having anything to do with."

"Wow," Dan gapes. "That's probably the first time you've ever called me by my name!"

Mrs. Richards studies herself. "Whose body is this, by the way? I don't have cancer, do I? My son keeps telling me that that's a counterweight that my husband deliberately puts on humans, to keep them from overbreeding. But do I have it? Or rather...does, 'Mrs. Richards' have it?"

Dan stares at her. "You were going to take me to a storage facility. Where is it? I'd rather not miss any more of work than I have to."

"Of course!" She slaps him on the ass, and scurries off. "Follow me."

With that, they both work together to find a way out of Dan's apartment. They've got a long road ahead of them...that's even longer than they both dread.


	6. Chapter 6

This is an alternate reality. Here, voodoo is a scourge in southern California...and then some.

Meet Sebastian Blood. He's an alderman...and has a very creepy night life. If you think he looks like Dan Espinoza, you're right. You might even say that he's Espinoza's Earth-40776 doppelganger.

With dark magic, Blood conjures, from nothing, a vial of the Mirakuru supersoldier serum; one that Japan once meant to use to win WWII...back when they still stood a chance. Blood knows a mad scientist, in this reality, who'd pay more than a shiny doubloon for a warehouse of these...

With another dark spell, he vanishes the vial. It will be, after all, the LAST thing tonight's tribute will need.

"The sun is almost set," Blood acknowledges. "Soon, my work will be cut out for me."

He spreads his arms out, and conjures a mask, which he uses to cover up his entire head. The mask is brown, and leathery. It's got slits for nostrils, and vented slits, running vertically, for a mouth. It's got small tusks, on either side of its head.

"Tonight, as always," he says, through the mask, "there will be Blood...as I will be. As we will all be..."

From sandy graves, all around, adherents of the Church of Blood rise. They all wear leather masks. Some wear gas masks. Some of their masks have prehensile tentacles around the necks.

Not too far away, atop a hill in the Sierra Nevadas, an altar stands. A tribute lies on it, in chains, and in a little black dress. The skirt is loose, and streams hang from it. Her wrists are chaffed, from having spent the past several hours in a vain attempt to escape.

If you think the "tribute" looks a lot like Chloe Decker, you're right. Or rather, you're only half-right...but you might as well be right. She's Trixie, all grown up. She looks just like her mother...almost as if she wasn't her father's daughter at all...

From all around, the vampires of the Church of Blood close in. They chant, eerily, as they come.

Trixie panics, of course, thrashes against the metal, and screams for help. From nowhere, a gag is conjured, and she's silenced.

Brother Blood, as Sebastian calls himself while wearing the mask, levitates to a spot above the altar. She spreads his arms, and summons ash clouds, from all around. Below and around him, the other vampires keep chanting. Around all, the winds pick up speed.

Ravens land here and there, surveying what's about to happen. Rattlesnakes slither from their burrows, and watch. Some of the vampires collect these snakes, and wear them as scarfs. They hold Gila monsters and pet them, as if they were scaly and venomous rabbits...

A herd of peccaries scurry in, snort, and watch. Their eyes glow red...

Tarantulas and scorpions crawl up the vampire's arms. They perch on their shoulders, and watch. Some of their hosts pet them...

Atop the altar, the rattlesnakes, coral snakes, scorpions, tarantulas, and trapdoor spiders join Trixie, the tribute. She screams, and thrashes more, as a tarantula crawls all over her, and over one of her boobs...

"Tonight," Brother Blood announces, "we pay our tribute. For whoever said that the devil and the tax man live at the same address...was right!"

At this, the vampires chant even louder. Trixie thrashes even more, with furry spiders all over her, and squeals through the gag...

High above the alderman, a portal seems to open, as a funnel-bottomed cloud forms above him. Its inside glows with yellow light...


	7. Chapter 7

Los Angeles is a very big city. At Dan's and Goddess's sizes, it may take forever to get from Dan's flat to the Lux nightclub.

Dan keeps Charlotte close, while navigating a vent duct. To both of them, it goes on for ages.

Goddess misses her ability to teleport. Her husband in Heaven really outdid himself when he imprisoned her. And now that he's humiliated her even more, he must be either dying or too tired to do any magic out here.

Goddess is now just a white mouse, scurrying around in the maze that her husband enjoys overdeveloping...to such an extent that he's missed bedtime after bedtime, adding enhancements to his life's work. As much as Goddess gets her kicks from being humiliated by men...she never actually thought Jehovah would go this far just to do this to her.

She LOVES how Dan holds his arm around her waist. It reminds her of her better days in her blissful wedlock with Jehovah...

Every now and then, she loses control, throws Dan over her bare shoulder, mounts him, and fucks him like he was Jehovah. As much as he loves it...he's not sure if Charlotte's completely sane...or if she even understands the precariousness of their sitch.

She fucks him hard. It gets more intense. Her bellows elevate. Her screams become more shrill...

He opens his eyes...and screams, when he sees another woman mounted atop him.

She holds her finger to his lips. "It's okay," she whispers. "I'm Isabel Rochev. I'm all caught-up on what's happening."

They stand, dress, and continue. At first, Dan has a lot of questions for her...until he starts remembering times he's had with her that he didn't even know about.

"We teamed up with Deathstroke," he mutters, realizing some of his new memories with her. "And we attacked a place called Starling City, as part of the Terminator's revenge against a man named Oliver Queen, who moonlit as the hero Green Arrow..."

Isabel scoffs. "His father was a bigger hero, if you ask me. Or at least, he was until he decided that the daughter of his wife mattered more to him than I did. I don't know if I ever told you this, but I was once Robert Queen's mistress."

Dan nods. "I can see that." He studies her. "Where are we away from that, BTW?"

They stop. She studies him. She caresses his head with her hand and smiles. "I'd rather not talk about love, as long as the sex is fantastic, if that's alright with you." She studies him again. "The sex...IS okay for you, isn't it?"

He scoffs. "Hell yeah." He looks around. "Which way out?"

Dan discovers he can control darkness. So, he parts the darkness in this pipe, as if it were the Red Sea. There's a light at the end. FAR at the end...

With his arm still around Isabel's waist, they make their way there. Isabel seems MUCH more subdued in love, than Charlotte was. By now, Dan hardly remembers Charlotte...


	8. Chapter 8

The main office of the Lux is very cluttered. But then, the maid is a bit of a demoness...and not to mention an over-passionate bounty hunter...

Isabel's brought a lot of gear with her. So, she lowers a very long rope into the office. She waits for Sebastian to go first. Somehow, Dan isn't as much of a stranger to being called Sebastian as he was several hours ago...

Like bugs on a string, they descend towards the main desk. For both of them, it's a long way. At least Isabel's dressed to kill, in her Ravager costume...which is only a bit more modified than the original Deathstroke costume.

On an end table, there's a photo...of Chloe Decker. Sebastian sees this...and he stops, while hanging, and stares. For a moment, he felt like he had a memory...quite possibly of a time in his life, where he would've wanted to beat the shit out of this nightclub owner, for loving his ex-wife more than he did... Alas, Dan, within Sebastian, is fading fast. Sebastian almost doesn't remember now. But then, Sebastian can't. Chloe Decker's never happened to him...

Isabel gets to the bottom. She shouts up, for Sebastian to stop lagging, and to start rappelling.

Sebastian blinks, and looks down. He sighs, and keeps rappelling...

At last, they're both down. Isabel takes one end of her rope, and shakes it loose. Aloft, it comes loose, and falls. She shouts TIMBER, as it's falling.

Now, they've got the rope around a fountain pen. Isabel drags the coils across the table...all the way to where the drawers are, at the front of the desk.

Sebastian's standing near the fountain pen's mount. He slowly notices a symbol, at its base:

The symbol is a flame. Dan would've probably missed it, at his normal size. But somehow...Sebastian's got a feeling that that flame, somehow, matters...

"Isabel," he shouts. As he does, he doesn't notice, as the rope ceases to exist, and vanishes into thin air. "I don't think that what we're here for is in any of those drawers." He listens. She doesn't respond. "Isabel?! Isabel..."

His breath is taken away, as he whirls, charges...and runs into the AMAZING rack of the gorgeous Charlotte Richards. He stares down her blouse. He can't believe she's back...

Ms. Richards stares at him. "Who's Isabel, Dan?"

Dan closes his eyes, and shakes his head. "Sorry. It's been a long life. Anyway, you mentioned a pen, earlier." He turns, and gestures towards the giant one, that's in his background. "Is this it?"

Ms. Richards looks the pen up and down. She clasps her hands together, and wanders towards it...

"Ah, happy reunion," she says. Alas, she soon frowns. "Ah, but we're too small to use it."

Dan sighs. Crap; all this way for no shit.

Ms. Richards holds up her finger. "I'm not sure what I'm still capable of, but..." She reaches out her bare arms, towards the pen.

Dan watches, with confusion, as the pen levitates partly from its mount. But that's just silly. Dan knows very well that pens can't levitate... OTOH, a day ago he also thought that becoming this small was impossible. And now, here he is, with Ms. Richards nearby, in the same shape he's in, and pretending to be the goddess of all Creation...in much the same way that his ex-wife's new partner at work won't stop pretending to be the bloody devil...

Ms. Richards pants. The pen falls back into place. Dan rushes over to her side, and attends to her...

Affectionately, as she's bent over panting, Ms. Richards reaches behind her, and pulls Dan's stray hand towards her hump. To Dan, this feels a bit awkward... And yet, he'd be lying if he said he didn't want this...

"I don't know," she pants. "My husband's REALLY beaten me, this time..."

"Did...Mr. Richards do this to you?"

Annoyed, she shakes her head.

On the desk, the phone rings. It's really loud. It's so loud, it startles both of them. Ms. Richards screams.

Nonetheless, she embraces Dan from behind, and teleports to a hiding place. Soon, they're hiding behind the desk's nameplate.

Dan looks around, surprised...and a bit upset. He looks down upon Ms. Richards...and tries not to let her downblouse distract him...as hard as that is...

"You said you couldn't do this," he scolds her. "How the fuck?"

"I...thought I couldn't do this," she tells him...adjusting her top. She just doesn't know how to get Dan to keep being mad at her, for some reason...

Thunder rolls, as the office door opens. Flustered, like a titaness, Mazikeen barges in.

"Fuck this all," Maze grumbles. "Lucy thinks he can just keep me here like his maid, like this club isn't mostly HIS doing!"

She shakes her head, and answers the call. From where they hide, Dan can behold part of Maze's towering figure. If she's aware that there are two tinies behind Lucifer's nameplate, she's not showing it...

Dan looks up, at the nameplate. It reads the name, LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR, in gold letters. Dan sighs, and shakes his head. He believes it, now more than ever... And at the same time, he only WISHES it were just as fake as he and Chloe both once thought it was...

Ms. Richards smiles, and nods up at Dan. With her soft hand, she drags Dan's head, and bends it towards her...and his eyes back down her blouse.

"My son really IS the devil, Dan," she says. "And I really am Goddess. One day, you'll see..."

Dan only shakes his head. Ms. Richards pecks him on the mouth. Dan loses control, spreads her across the nameplate, and starts fucking her.

Where they fuck, they're just beneath the "M" in "Morningstar." The middle of the M is reminiscent of an arrow...one that points directly at where they're fucking...

"Look," Maze says, over the phone, "I don't care how long it takes! The government is offering me fucking money to fucking seize this fucking bastard by his fucking testicles, so I can fucking throw him in a cage, for good! And will NOT," she punctuates each word that follows, with a fist-hammer on the desk, "SETTLE, FOR ANY, FUCKING, LESS!"

All around them, the nameplate shakes with the quakes that Maze inadvertently causes. Even so, Dan can't stop fucking Goddess. He still can't believe he's fucking Goddess...or that her son's the bloody devil...

"Ah, so wonderful," Ms. Richards moans. "More, baby!" She hammers against his shoulder, with her fist. "MORE! MORE! MORE!"

Maze only shakes her head, and hangs up. "Fucking Manhunters," she mutters. "They seem to think that being home with their families matters more than collecting bounty. WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH THIS WORLD?! I will NEVER have any clue what Lucy sees in this place. OR his fucking daddy, for that matter..."

Outside, the sky starts to glow red. The red is a wave of anti-matter...just waiting to destroy this reality in one fell swoop...

Ashamed of the world she lives in, Maze starts to leave. She's almost to the door.

Behind the nameplate, Ms. Richards screams bloody murder. Dan is being SO good to her...like Jehovah himself never was...especially not since humanity became Jehovah's number one obsession...

As Maze is about to leave, noise reaches her ears. It confuses her. She looks around. She abandons the door, and creeps around, for the noise's source...

Outside, the sky still glows red. Outside, a lot of people are screaming and running, in the streets. In some cities, the civil emergency siren's sounding. It's just as well that they don't sound. There will be NO escape, for anyone, from this fire in the hole...

Still, Maze creeps around the office, searching for the noise. At last, she looks under her boss's desk...and sees that someone's been in here...and left gum under it. Maze scoffs. This world is a VERY bad influence on her... Even so, she pulls her gum off the table, sticks it back in her own mouth, and raises her head just a little bit...

Over the horizon, Maze's towering gaze rises. Dan and Ms. Richards don't even expect a thing. First, it's Maze's forehead. Then, it's her forehead, and...

Now, her great demoness eyes look down, upon Dan and Ms. Richards, as they fuck. And...they widen. Maze was NOT expecting this...

Moments later, Ms. Richards opens her eyes, as she orgasms. And...she sees Maze's Giganta-worthy expression...not to far from where Dan's just fucked her. And, she screams.

Maze grins. From the side, her impending hand threatens to swoop them both up, as Giganta would Wonder Woman, in such a similar situation...

What Maze doesn't realize, is that it's not her Ms. Richards is screaming at. And sadly, she never gets the chance to find out what.

All across Los Angeles, a wave of anti-matter sweeps, destroying everything in its path. At one point, this includes Lux. In a flash, the giantess Maze vanishes, to nothing. Dan and Ms. Richards do, too.

Alas, the anti-matter also causes the fountain pen to explode. It turns out this was Lucifer's Flaming Pen...the ONLY thing he owns that's mightier than the Flaming Sword...if one can believe that. Dan and Ms. Richards don't know it...and Maze doesn't either...but they're all about to find out just HOW much mightier the Flaming Pen is, than the Flaming Sword...


	9. Chapter 9

Welcome to the Dawn of Time. It's a grim place...where the sky is green and cloudy, the soil is sandy and rocky, and there's not a single plant growing.

Anti-Monitor has arrived...to turn the DC multiverse into his own precious antimatter universe...where good will be evil, and evil will be good. Nothing will ever be as it should be.

Thankfully, twenty-one great warriors have come to stop him. They call themselves the Paragons...or rather, Monitor calls them that, and they just go by with it. Monitor's already humiliated all of them, on their own respective quests to prove him wrong.

In a bid to protect their master, the shadow demons go on the offensive. Dinah Drake/Black Canary extends her bo staff, leads the charge, and screams with her metahuman super-scream.

Sound waves later, the shadow demons are scattered. The offensive is on.

Lucifer Morningstar takes flight, with a pair of flaming swords in his hands. His head is red, and scary. He shrieks, too, as he rolls around in the air, slashing shadow demons to bits.

Isabel Rochev/Ravager draws a pair of katanas, screams, spins around, kicks, and starts kicking the shadow demons' asses. For some reason, they seem very vulnerable to her steel...

Adeline Kane/Vigilante arrives on a motorcycle. She's in a tight grey suit, and big powered orange-lensed goggles. She parks it, draws a pair of submachine guns, and goes total war on the shadow demons' asses. Somehow, they're vulnerable to her submachine gun fire...

From her mouth, Larissa Diaz/Copperhead sprays venom at her attackers. Alarmingly, she bears the likeness of Mazikeen. With her contorting flexibility, she hisses, and strikes at the attacking shadow demons.

Chris Chance/Human Target disguises himself as the Monitor. True enough, this is no substitute for being the real one. Even so, it makes him capable enough of taking on the Monitor's brother's army.

Frankie Kane/Magenta gets to work, using her power. For this, her eyes light up with magenta light. All around, the earth shakes. Metal beams rise from it. They weren't here before; Magenta has so much control over metal, she can forge it while it's still in the ground. With this heap of scrap metal, she impales and dices every shadow demon that attacks any of the Paragons.

Clad in a Manhunter exosuit, Kate Spencer/Manhuntress goes on the offensive, via clawed exo-gauntlets and baton made of pure energy. At various times, she extends this baton, and makes it a bo staff. Airborne, she slaughters shadow demons in droves.

Jason Todd/Red Hood rides into battle aback a motorcycle. He dismounts, summons the All-Blades, stands back-to-back with Ravager, and starts slashing with the All-Blades. The All-Blades are the most deadliest against the shadow demons, of all the weaponry the Paragons have got deployed. Together, with Ravager's katanas, he and Ravager make a great, and sexual, duo...

Lana Lang/Supergirl dives over the Anti-Monitor's scene. The shadow demons sense her, and charge her from below. With her heat vision, she hovers, and pulverizes any shadow demon who gets too close to her.

Clad in a black suit, Hunter Zolomon/Zoom runs, and goes on the offensive. He leaves a wake of deep blue light in his wake. He sounds monstrous, and beastly. At his own super-speed, the shadow demons move very slowly. Zoom takes advantage of this, and deviously places sound-generating nanites into each demon's core.

Back at normal speed, Yolanda Montez/Wildcat joins the offensive. In her Wildcat suit, and with her metal-cutting claws, she stands her ground, hisses, and slashes at the shadow demons from below, like a she-cat. With her claws, she slices improvised weapons from the metal that Magenta summons up, and slashes away at the shadow demons with them...

Talia al Ghul draws a pair of scimitars, and starts slashing away at shadow demons. Enhanced by the Lazarus Pits, she and Red Hood are a very mentally deranged duo.

Aviva Metula/Shadow Thief becomes a cloud of darkness, and with the shadow demons, fights darkness with darkness. With luck, Shadow Thief's darkness will become the superior shadow, as her fellow Paragons take on more and more demons.

Via red gauntlets, Jane Mallory/Red Dart shoots a variety of red-fletched darts at the shadow demons. These do a variety of things to the shadow demons; burns them, blasts them with too much sound, freezes them, undermines their relationship with gravity, causes them to implode, etc. At this, she helps Zoom out with what he's doing.

Adrian Chase/Prometheus throws many shurikens, distracting the shadow demons. This helps his comrades out a lot. With a cybernetically-enhanced helmet, he helps Human Target out, and becomes who he's fighting. This gives him a fair advantage against the shadow demons.

Clad in purple, Helena Bertinelli/Huntress takes up a handheld crossbow, screams in revenge-rage, and one trick bolt at a time, shoots every shadow demon that attacks her. Her crossbow bolts do many of the same things as Zoom's nanites and Red Dart's darts.

Tommy Merlyn/Dark Archer arrives, aback a motorcycle. He stands back-to-back with Black Canary, armed with a black recurve bow. With black-headed and black-fletched trick arrows, he helps Huntress, Red Dart, and Zoom out...

Roy Harper/Arsenal arrives aback a motorcycle. He runs into action, armed with a red recurve bow. With red-headed and red-fletched trick arrows, he engages in open combat on the shadow demons, helping Red Dart, Dark Archer, Huntress, and Zoom out. His arm is a prosthetic. With it, he blasts the shadow demons with dangerous sound waves.

Sebastian Blood/Brother Blood is here, too. Sebastian looks like Dan Espinoza. Brother Blood wears a creepy mask, with tusks. As a vampire, he has super-speed. He uses it to help Zoom out.

Together, Zoom and Brother Blood run in opposite directions. This opens a portal into the Speed Force. Right on time, Arsenal shoots the right arrow through the portal. This causes a vacuum force that sucks all of the shadow demons into the Speed Force.

Inside, time wraiths ensnare them, and feast upon their demon-flesh. Zoom and Brother Blood then separate, closing the portal.

Alas, the Anti-Monitor has just about finished. Soon, the multiverse will be rebuilt into the antimatter universe, and the Anti-Monitor will have won...

This won't happen, if Lucifer can help it. Lucifer shrieks, dives, and charges the Anti-Monitor. And they fight.

Chuck Bartowski, clad in an exosuit, descends to where Vigilante is standing. From his utility compartments, he fetches a shrinking grenade. He throws it to her. For this, Vigilante's already got a grenade launcher ready to use.

Anti-Monitor slaps Lucifer, and sends him hurling, and crashing against a mountainside. Moments later, Vigilante fires the RPG. The Paragons watch, as it flies across the sky...right into the little poking heart of Anti-Monitor.

Anti-Monitor barely gets a chance to gape...before the bomb explodes, implodes, and starts shrinking the Anti-Monitor for eternity. At long last, the Paragons have won...for duty, and humanity.

Exhausted, Brother Blood staggers over, to Lucifer's dying body. He hits his knees, and pulls off his mask. Behind him, Copperhead, Black Canary, Human Target, Chuck Bartowski, Huntress, Manhunter, Ravager, Talia al Ghul, Vigilante, and Red Hood all gather around the fallen antihero, to pay their respects.

"You've saved the multiverse, Lord Morningstar," Talia chants his praises. "You've saved the heavens and the hells. You've saved us all."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Lucifer begs, "I'm an adult. I don't need all of that pampering." He struggles to regulate his breathing. "It was an honor, to fight alongside you all." He looks up, into Blood's eyes. "Including you, for a change...Alderman Douche."

At this, Blood blinks, and looks around. He has vague memories...that he doesn't even know are real...of Lucifer calling him "DETECTIVE Douche..."

From the green sky, a bright white light appears. At this, Shadow Thief becomes her cloud of shadow, and vanishes...

The light clears...and Jehovah appears to his son, levitating. He's in a long white robe...and bears the likeness of Dennis Haysbert.

Arsenal seems confused. "The Allstate man?!" He scratches his head. "What's HE doing here?"

"Fine job," Jehovah's voice thunders, across the sandy desert, "my son. You will be united with your Detective Decker very soon."

Detective Decker, Blood thinks. Somehow, that name sounds familiar. He has a vague memory of having a daughter named Trixie with a detective whose surname was Decker...sometime after she was in a porn movie that featured a hot tub...

Exhausted, Blood soon finds himself dragging himself across the desert, still clad in his vampire attire. Up there, the sky is still very green, very cloudy, and very unyielding. But at least it isn't cloudy with a 100% chance of Anti-Monitor.

Behind him, Copperhead, Ravager, Vigilante, Supergirl, Black Canary, and Manhunter straggle. Manhunter's helmet and visor are both off. Ravager's removed her half-black, half-orange mask, and has let down the ponytail she wears when her mask is on. Vigilante's removed her goggles; via regeneration, she's just about healed from the minor scars the shadow demons inflicted upon her.

Sebastian isn't sure why they're straggling. He's hardly the most admirable male Paragon, after all... He also thinks that Copperhead might be a lesbian...

He also has vague memories, somehow, of Larissa being a demoness, in another reality. She tended bar at a night club called Lux in Los Angeles, and always had a passionate appetite for bounty-hunting... She fought with the Devil himself over a detective named Chloe Decker...who Sebastian himself was once married to...as a rival detective whose name was Dan Espinoza...

Before Sebastian, a portal opens. White heavenly light shines from it. Sebastian stops. He's confused...

Within the portal, Goddess presents herself. She's in a toga...and bears the likeness of Tricia Helfer.

"Well done, Dan." She flaps her flowing brunette hair, and adjusts the single strap of her toga. "Care to attend to me? My son's just made me the goddess of my own reality, within the DC multiverse!"

Sebastian looks behind him. All of his female admirers have vanished...except Goddess, of course.

"In here, Dan," she urges him. "A woman's pussy is not a patient creature, you know."

Tired, Dan drags himself right through the portal...and right through Goddess's intangible body. With that, Goddess giggles naughtily, retreats into the portal, and vanishes. Behind her, the portal closes.

And so, the DC multiverse has been reborn. Dan and Ms. Richards will soon have many multiversal doppelgangers...as will some other familiar people who they'll share realities with...


End file.
